How to Network like a Human, not a Computer
August 6th, 2007 (2:00pm) Anne Zelenka 19 CommentsTweet This
Networking for professional profit used to be the province of salespeople and politicians; now the web has made us all into schmoozers. Services like LinkedIn, Xing, Facebook, and Plaxo Pulse make expanding your professional and social network as easy as spamming your Gmail contact list with invites.
But even if it’s easier than ever to show the world just how many people you know, it’s no simple task to network in a way that’s at the same time sincere and effective. How do you build relationships online that are professionally useful but still human and genuine?
Last week, bloggers Shannon Clark and Chris Brogan shared their networking tips, which begin to answer the question of how to be human in your networking, even if sometimes you use a computer to do it.
Clark suggests that “networking is about giving and listening” not quid pro quo:
Frequently people’s reaction when you do something for them is to try to “pay you back”. There is a strong sense that networking is some form of accounts – that you do favors and then collect on them, that people “owe you”.
Please, break yourself of this instinct. Not the part of it which inspires you to help others, but the part which tries to keep accounts, which tries to weigh whether someone can help you before you help them.
Brogan believes it’s important to share a part of yourself:
Lots of people hold back. Sometimes, they’ve had bad past experiences. Other times, they just think that they should be more professional. It’s a sure thing that sharing a part of yourself to your community will strengthen and deepen your connection to people there. Be brave.
He also suggests making introductions for no reason other than you think two people might enjoy each other.
When you’re sitting at your laptop, you might forget that those are people out there on the Internet. LinkedIn may be the worst offender in this regard, focusing almost entirely on a what-can-you-do-for-me view of the world with a prominent display of how many friends-of-friends you have. Lacking truly social features, it can push users towards insincere introduction and connection.
Given how easy it is to fall into a “favor for a favor” approach to professional networking, to count contacts instead of cultivating them, or to ignore other people’s social selves, maybe Twitter and Facebook offer just what’s needed. Combine a little socializing on those platforms with some attention to relationship building of the sort Clark and Brogan suggest and maybe you’ve got a way to network like a human.
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Long time reader, first time linked. Yay! Thanks for pointing to my post on social networks.
My biggest point is just that businesses are chock full of humans. Older generations have had a status quo of what “professionalism” means beaten into them. It still exists heavily outside the WWD world lots of your readers (me!) live in. But I believe, with all my heart (and my future potential employability) that people love being treated like people
Thanks for the story, Anne.
Anne,
Thanks for the link as well – glad that people are reading and I hope paying attention – both those who are building the applications and the millions of us using them. Chris’ advice is really good – sharing yourself sets the tone, gives people permission to also share.
thanks!
Shannon
My pleasure — I was really excited to find both you guys discussing this topic last week. It’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot.
“people love being treated like people”: I totally agree. And what’s so cool about many of the online services available now is that they allow us to be full people, not just buyers or readers or potential employees.
This is such a timely series! There are so many networking sites out there that it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by all of them. It’s also tempting to react mechanically and without thinking. Your post helps put networking in the right perspective.
I see the big “favor game” on LinkedIn all the time. I just like to answer questions though. A lot of them do turn into plugs for my company because I come across someone that honestly can use my service, but the questions I enjoy answering the most are from the Ethics and Management categories and really feel like I’m talking with someone or helping someone out.
Give away a lot, be generous with what you know. This is a very good way to meet people and become a ‘compulsory reference’ in a given topic. The most you give, the most people want to work with you…and even pay you for doing so.
Great insights! Building relationships is like planting seeds to grow a garden of people who know you, trust you, and ultimately, when they really understand the value that you bring to the table WILL refer you.
Giver’s Gain is a term that was coined some time ago in “in-person” networking circles – the idea that just by thinking about others’ needs and going out of your way to respond with ideas and support creates amazing loyalty and trust, whether virtual or in person.
Ultimately, it becomes fun, yes FUN, to make connections because if you have an abundant mindset and some good connections, the possibilities are endless.
Lori Richardson
lori@thenationalnetworker.com
lori@scoremoresales.com
I liked this. It was great info for all kinds of businesses even small ones like mine. Little personal touch goes a long way. Thanks
Interesting reflections as I also have been starting to write about this – How to behave using online social networks and to actually benefit from it as a supplement to the real life networking and physical meetings.
I strongly believe in the physical meeting in the end to be able to deepen a relationship or you have to be brave and share real personal things online to be able to “go somewhere” with you online-relationship-networking-friends who you have never met. With the people I feel strongly about I always try to get that physical meeting in the end. Nowadays with cheap airline tickets available it´s rather easy to make a trip somewhere to meet up. Using video, webcam and broadband/IP phonecalls and chat tools like http://www.Skype.com, GTalk great ways instand ways of coming closer to your online friends. Features that´s becoming standard functionality. But then again how technical are we and do we understand how to use all these fancy technologies? Is there a risc that it getting to complicated?
It´s also interesting that Xing, Facebook and LinkedIn, seem to be the most valueable networks at the moment with Facebook becoming more and more an active online meetling place. I have been a member of Xing (OpenBC) for 2 1/2 years and now it´s becoming a bit more active but nothing compared to Facebook.
I´m a rather new member of Facebook ( a couple of weeks) and I will keep it rather small, to be able to do online networking meetings as real, effective and meaningful as possible. To get the most out of my online networking I believe it´s important to understand why I´m a member of a specific online network, then I can start using it for my purposes, whether it´s private or business.
Take care out there, Ciao Mia
I think Luis hit it on the head: give, give give. Reach out to other people for the simple sake of doing so, recommend their work just because it was good, and then positive juju will invariably come back around to you in some way, shape, or form.
The give, give, give notion is completely true, but it does take work. Sometimes it seems so overwhelming to monitor Twitter, update my LinkedIn page and keep my blog relevant. Taking the time to monitor other blogs and comment can become time constuming, especially if I’m not doing it during work hours.
However, what I have noticed is that the more you do it, the easier it becomes. I enjoy reading other blogs and offering my opinions. I love seeing people ping back to me or recognize my contributions. That isn’t me being self-centered. That is simply me being excited to be in a two-way conversation.
Thank you,
Melanie
http://melyt.wordpress.com
World Chains is a complete social networking site with added features like blogs,gift shop,classifieds ,chats etc. Our members can earn money online.