Web Worker Daily

What we have here is a failure to communicate.

We’ve talked about how you can work with your friends. What happens when your colleague is someone you just don’t like? Maybe you have very different personalities or work styles. Maybe the project is falling behind because that person is not pulling his/her weight and you resent them for it. It’s great when you can hand-pick your team, but sometimes for whatever reason you’re stuck working with a person you would never add to your Friends list under any other circumstances.

Often, personality squabbles can dissipate when you’re forced to work through your problems face-to-face. But if your primary method of communication is email, IM, chatroom or message board the most minor disagreements can quickly mushroom into big drama. Who needs that?

You’re 350 miles away from your co-worker. Settling your disagreements over a coffee break (or a beer) is not an option. You have a project deadline coming up and you’re wasting precious time and energy stewing over that email your nemesis sent last night that got under your skin. For most of us, going to “HR” or finding another job is not an option. Ya gotta make it work.

Use words where you would normally rely on body language. If there’s an ugly feeling in the air and it bothers you enough that it’s impacting your work performance, voice it. Plainly. Clearly. It’s too easy to read a negative tone into a written message that may not actually be there. If you’re writing with a sarcastic tone to begin with, it doesn’t help. The natural advice would be to pick up the phone and have a “real” conversation, but that isn’t always an easy solution.

Sit on your email. Sure, vent it all out of you. You’re angry and you have a right to be. Start that email letting your colleague know exactly how miserable they’re making your life…but don’t hit send when you’re done. Walk away. Do something else. Relax. Get yourself to think clearly about the goals of the project, and the project only. Then come back and go line by line through your email and eliminate any words or sentences that don’t explicitly move the project forward. Make every word count, and keep it on the business. If the only reason you’re including something is because you’ll feel better if the other person knows what’s on your mind, just don’t. It’s not worth it.

A good practice to get into is to start email by typing the recipient’s address at the top of the body of the email, not the “To:” field. Wait until moments before you’re ready to hit “send” to copy that email address to the field. This way, you’re not accidentally sending a heated email before you’ve had a chance to cool it off.

Use bcc and cc carefully. When we’re frustrated with a colleague, and a project is on the line, we have a natural tendency to move into “CYA” mode by cc’ing and bcc’ing managing staff or other “oh, now you’re gonna get it” folks. Once you bring a third party into your dispute, there’s no turning back. There are times when it’s perfectly appropriate, and even desirable, to bring a cooler head to the table. But keep in mind that doing so prematurely may actually do more damage to a relationship than it helps. And now you have that 3rd party annoyed at you for bringing them into your childish little spat.

Pick the right communication tool. If you find that the situation is deteriorating quickly, and you’re sending email, stop. Try picking up the phone, or sending an IM. Recognize when the argument is about the argument and walk away. It’s not about getting the last word.

Get perspective. What you’re reading as a big personal insult in an email might not be the case at all. Ask a friend who will be honest with you what they think of the email you’re sending and receiving. Do they read the same negative tone from your co-worker? Do they think you’re being particularly biting when you don’t need to be? Try and see the situation from different eyes.

Above all, focus on YOUR job, not theirs.

Have you had a situation with a web working colleague that no amount of collaboration software would fix? Share your horror and success stories in the comments.